Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
