the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
