wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
