I skipped work to stalk him.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
