just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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