i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
