Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
