I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
