Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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