your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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