he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
