after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
My vagina just recognized that song.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
