It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
