she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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