I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
