I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
