I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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