You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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