I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
