I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
