In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
