going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I am naked and annoyed.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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