There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Randomize
