these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Randomize
