Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize