ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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