Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
