Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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