I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
