He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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