Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
