Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
