As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
40s are totally the cure
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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