I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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