I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
