i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
