Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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