Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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