it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
