Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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