I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
