I want to walk on stilts...naked
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
