i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
