Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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