doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
