I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Randomize
