yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
barbara walters just said penis...
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
