Small penises have feelings too.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
