What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
