my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Even my vagina gasped.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
