your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
