i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize