how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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