brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
