someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
