bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
