Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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