I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
