Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I stole a fireplace last night.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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