need another drink. this is the easiest way
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Randomize
