We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
