Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
