I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
