He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
